What is Coaching?

Many coach training classes begin with this question; and after all, it's a sensible question.   How can we begin this process if we don't define our terms?   At one class I attended, we began our first session by eliminating what coaching is not.  A coach is not a therapist, they told us; a coach is not a consultant, and a coach is not a best friend.

The problem is that in some ways, coaching is a combination of all three
of these things.  While I'm certainly not a therapist, the fact is that I may be called upon to deal with issues that are often addressed in therapy, such as the emotional roots of certain behavior patterns.  I know from my own experience that I am less likely to repeat a behavior or thought pattern, if I understand where it comes from.

Am I a consultant?  Well, sometimes. If a client asks me what I think about a certain topic, and if I happen to know something about it, it's disrespectful for me to withhold my professional opinion.

Am I a best friend? Well, technically no, but I may offer some of the precious gifts that best friends so freely give to one another; gifts like empathy, support,  a listening ear, and of course, a knack for gently but firmly telling someone the truth if  it's in their best interest.

Coaching cannot be reduced to a system, a particular methodology, or a narrow definition because coaching is first and foremost a relationship; a bond between two human beings.  To avoid confusion and miscommunication, relationships should be defined along certain parameters, but the definitions should be flexible enough to allow room for growth and change.  For example, in the early stages of coaching, a client may need to discover who they are before they can identify what it is they need to do.  This may involve some writing assignments that   help a person get clear on issues from their past; writing an autobiography is especially helpful.  So, at that point, I may seem more like a therapist.

Coaching Philosophy

Part 1: What is Coaching?

Part 2: What Coaches Do

Part 3: The Reality of Human Frailty

Part 4: Listening to The Barbarian

Part 5: The Limits of Willpower

Part 6: Indirect Change

Part 7: To Give or Not to Give Advice, That is the Question

Part 8: Transparency and Authenticity

Part 9: Don't Go Changin', to Try and Please Me

Part 10: Self-acceptance, Not Self-improvement

Then, once a person has identified their gifts, talents, and heart's desires, the assignments become more specific, and will center around a person's particular goals.  This might put me in more of a consulting role.  Even if I refer a person to someone who knows more about a particular subject, my referral is still a form of consulting.  And it's more than likely that at some time down the road, a client will call me and tell me that they just need to talk.

They might have had a death in the family, or maybe they just broke up with a significant other. Then, I can do what friends often do for each other. As they say in 12-step programs, I can share my "experience, strength, and hope."

So, though coaching is difficult to define, we can at least talk about some of the services coaches provide.

Continue to Part 2: What Coaches Do